


Let Me Haunt You

by zmethos



Category: Tokyo Babylon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 13:57:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20390824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zmethos/pseuds/zmethos
Summary: A short contemplation by Subaru about Seishirou, post-Tokyo Babylonbut pre-X/1999.





	Let Me Haunt You

_Let me haunt you._

Seishirou’s heart was hollow, plenty of room for him to roam if he could just slip in through the bars.

_Like a ghost._

He’d spent so much time and energy getting rid of ghosts. Certainly he never thought he’d long to become one.

Night after night, wandering Tokyo, evading the people his grandmother sent to keep an eye on him… He was a ghost who could go anywhere but the one place he wanted to be.

_I don’t even ask that you think of me fondly, so long as you think of me._

Being thought of, remembered, meant living in someone’s heart. Even if the memories were sad or hurtful, even if the thought of you made a person angry, that was better than being forgotten.

“You don’t understand,” a small voice said.

Subaru stopped walking and looked around. He’d been so lost in his own head he had no idea where he’d been going. It was late—or early, rather—and this street was nearly deserted. Subaru felt a drop hit the side of his nose and realized it had begun to rain.

“He thought of you for a long time.”

Subaru blinked and focused on the young girl who stood a few steps away. _Not alive._

“How do you know?” he asked.

She smiled wanly. “I’m under the tree.”

One of Sei’s victims.

“He was excited that day,” she said. “Because he knew it was almost time for you to meet. He’d been waiting.”

“Waiting,” Subaru echoed.

“Anticipating,” the little girl—she couldn’t have been more than seven or eight years old—clarified. “He’d been thinking about it, about you, for a long time.”

Subaru internalized this. “But not anymore,” he concluded. “Now there’s nothing to look forward to. He’s moved on.”

The girl’s lips rose on one side. The other side of her began to evaporate like ash on a breeze. Her final words were so faint Subaru wasn’t entirely sure she’d said them at all: “Are you sure?”

Another drop, this time in his hair. Subaru felt it trickle through to his scalp. He watched the rain gather momentum around him, the way the drops fell into puddles and were consumed.

_That’s what I want. To fall into him like rain into a river, so that the drop can never be extracted without leaving some of itself behind and taking some of the river with it._

It would be like an embrace that one carried forever.

A touch that never faded.

_You already have that._

He startled himself with his own thought.

_You’re carrying him with you now._

_Like a burden._

It was a weight he was unwilling to give up. He would carry it for both himself and Seishirou if necessary.

Sei, who cut through the world carelessly… so Subaru would take his portion of care in addition to his own. He didn’t wear his feelings outwardly anymore, didn’t show them off like the clothes his sister used to make; they were boxed deep within him, dense and heavy.

The rain strengthened into a steady pour. Subaru turned up the collar on his coat, not that it helped much. He glanced around, trying to get his bearings. Where had his feet taken him while his mind had been otherwise occupied?

A noodle shop? Open at this hour? The lit windows showed it to be empty.

It had once been a veterinary clinic.

Subaru turtled into his coat and walked past, eyes on the wet pavement.

_It’s possible to have a full heart and still look hollow. Some people even call it “cool.”_

_It’s possible for a house to look empty and be full of ghosts._

_It’s possible that you haunt someone and don’t even know it._

Subaru’s footsteps slowed.

_It’s possible that you still have something to look forward to. And that he’s looking forward to it, too._

He could walk home in the rain. Or he could take shelter in the only open place on the block.

He turned his steps towards the noodle shop and went inside, into the warmth and the light.


End file.
